Management for Beginners - How to have a Conversation
Have a conversation like you are doing an interview. We've all had really great conversations. We've had them before. We know what it's like.
The kind of conversation where you walk away feeling engaged and inspired, or where you feel like you've made a real connection, or you've been perfectly understood. There is no reason why most of your interactions can't be like that. Here are some basic rules to guide you. Use any or all of them, but a master at least one to enjoy better conversations.
1. Listen. I cannot tell you how many really important people have said that listening is perhaps the most, the number one most important skill that you could develop. Buddha said, and I'm paraphrasing, "If your mouth is open, you're not learning."
Why do we not listen to each other? Because we'd rather talk. When I'm talking, I'm in control. I don't have to hear anything I'm not interested in. I'm the centre of attention. I can bolster my own identity. But there's another reason: We get distracted. The average person talks at about 225 words per minute, but we can listen at up to 500 words per minute. So, our minds are filling in those other 275 words. And look, I know, it takes effort and energy actually to pay attention to someone, but if you can't do that, you're not in a conversation.
2. Don't multitask. Be present, be in the moment. Don't think about the argument you had with your boss. Don't think about what you're going to have for dinner. Don't be half in and half out of the conversation.
3. Let yourself learn something. Everyone you will ever meet knows something that you don't. Everybody is an expert in something.
4. Use open-ended questions. Start your questions with who, what, when, where, why or how. Try asking questions like, "What was that like?" "How did that feel?" Because then they might have to stop for a moment and think about it, and you're going to get a much more interesting response.
5. Go with the flow. That means thoughts, stories and ideas will come into your mind, and you need to let them go out of your mind; otherwise, you will stop listening
6. Don't equate your experience with theirs. If they're talking about the trouble they're having at work, don't tell them about how much you hate your job. It's not the same. It is never the same. All experiences are individual. And, more importantly, it is not about you. You don't need to take that moment to prove how amazing you are or how much you've suffered.
7. Try not to repeat yourself. It's condescending, and it's really boring, and we tend to do it a lot.
8. Stay out of the weeds. People don't care about the years, the names, the dates, all those details that you're struggling to come up with in your mind. They don't care. What they care about is you. They care about what you're like and what you have in common. So, forget the details. Leave them out.
Source: Celeste Headlee, Writer and Radio Host.
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